Fragile

Why am I so fragile?
I tried to get the car taxed this morning but I’m missing the log book, without it they cannot tax my car. So, on advice I need to go to the DVLA in Sheffield and pay £25 for a new one, when I have that I can then, over the counter, get a tax disc.

So why the fragile statement? I was in the post office trying to understand why, with the SORN document, the MOT and my insurance certificate they couldn’t just look up the registration number of the car and pull up the details – hey presto! It appears this is not possible; they need the log book because it states me as the owner, the SORN is not enough. So knowing that I need two new front tyres and a tax disc before Monday… I felt myself welling up!

Had this situation occurred a while ago I would have calmly thought to myself ‘how do I resolve this’!

Certainly I’ve been in tougher situations!

I’m not afraid to admit the last 9 months have been the worst on my record but I’ve never been fragile before. NEVER. In fact I have historically been accused of being overtly strong, determined, focused, independent, capable, tough and by some people ‘intimidating’!

Now I have the term ‘needy’ thrown at me which is ironic!

Why, after leaving home and looking after myself for 20 years (6 years looking after my husband), am I fragile now? I’ve worked and travelled around Europe predominately on my own, I’ve been a company director, and I have managed large and small teams, dealt with difficult situations and always come out with a positive attitude. Nothing.

NOW

I can’t even go into a post office and be told I can’t have a tax disc without wanting to cry… I was even agitated in the queue…. This is madness isn’t it? Am I going mad?

When does this disappear, when can I wake up and be whole and complete again?

… I’m not broken and I don’t need fixing… I’m not broken and I don’t need fixing…