The Play

Lately I’ve spent too much time lost in a fog of things to do, things that needing doing and things that I just don’t want to face yet.

I’m completely paralysed. I can’t find the impetus to just do it… It’s like I’m waiting to break and that only by shattering completely can I pick up the pieces and start again. So part of me is slowly creating a stage play supported by a range of characters each different but equally important. They are maneuvered to, at the right time, cause maximum damage. This isn’t scripted, it’s completely improvised which can only add to the danger I’m facing.

So; the curtain has been pulled back and the audience still don’t know if it will have a happy ending or not.

Act 1 – Being Me
I’m not sure I remember how; I’d been the successful business woman, the loving wife, the unconditional friend and the doting daughter… all prefixed with a ‘the’ not a ‘just’.

How do you become JUST?

How do you recover the basis of who you are when for so long you’ve been a different person for different people?

I walk onto the stage; lights hide the faces of people who sit and silently watch from their comfy seats. I am aware of them, I hear a disembodied cough, the rustling of programs, £5.99 from the ticket hall, and can smell a heady fusion of feminine perfumes and mens aftershave.

I place myself centre stage. The consummate actress, the fraud, the liar…

“Fallow land” I reach down to nurse my stomach.




[this is a story]